18 Sep Let that sh*t go
Have you ever been judged?
I think we all have.
Someone we respect and admire looks at what we’re doing and says “Nope, you’re doing it all wrong.”
What do you do in that moment?
You’ve got a choice.
How do we know whether or not they’re right, we’re right, or somewhere in between.
This was something I struggled with and now that I’ve found what makes sense, for me, I feel the need to share it. After all, we’re not all as unique as we think. We have the same feelings to varying degrees.
Who here likes to be right? Anyone… everyone?
As soon as we have an opinion or an idea, don’t we all want to believe it’s the right one?
We all want to be accepted among our peers and seen as someone who is contributing to the greater good.
When we offer our ideas we are being vulnerable. We are taking the risk to show our intellect, our creativity, our experience, our values, and our beliefs. These are all things that we expect others to respect, but they don’t always.
This is where things get slippery because then we may take ownership of what others think, how they react, what they say, we examine their body language, their tone of voice and then we choose; To absorb their judgement of us and incorporate it into the definition of ourselves, or let it go.
Once we choose the former, and I keep saying that because it is a decision we make, we’ve given them lots of power. Their language is in our heads and stopping us from moving forward because we care (too much) about what other people think.
That is an insidious disease and we’re going to talk about how you can avoid some of the pitfalls.
Quiet all of the stories that dance in your head telling you, on repeat, that you’re not enough and listen to that teeny tiny voice (it’s still there, don’t worry) and write down what it’s telling you. When you are in the space where you feel like you can do and be anything, what is the voice whispering in your ear?
That’s the voice of your destiny. The one that won’t let you quit. The one that could never be influenced by the nay-sayers.
How I got to the place of being able to hear that voice clearly, above all the others, was through gratitude of self. I made a commitment to writing six things every day that I was grateful for and one of them had to be about me.
Through that exercise I was able to find love for my stubbornness because it meant I had tenacity to stick it through. I was able to love my cellulite because it’s a part of who I am today – didn’t say I like it – love and like are different. Not going to lie though, if I had a magic wand and could wish it away I would but I accept me, all of me in this moment. I was also able to see the value in my strengths and potential for growth in my weaknesses.
Gratitude changed everything, and a dear friend of mine that I don’t speak to nearly as often as life allows, helped me. We would write our lists and email it to each other every day for months. Reading what another person was grateful for reminded me of things in myself I hadn’t uncovered yet. This was a great accountability tool.
Write your own definition. Re-read it. Fall in love with it. Own it. And above all, don’t let anyone else muck it up.
Someone once told me not to set my hopes on being a bestselling author because my writing wasn’t good enough.
Want to know who said it?
It wasn’t a published author. It wasn’t an editor. It wasn’t a publishing house. It wasn’t even someone who was in the process of writing a book.
It was someone who had their dream crushed too.
People will say things to you from their own limiting beliefs.
Conversations and comments will be helpful, and we need to be selective of what feels right, for us and our path.
When someone has said something to you about what you’re doing, how you’re living, what you’re dreaming of, ask yourself these questions:
Is there any truth to what they’ve said?
There could very well be. Recently I was told I rush into things and to consider what else I have cooking. Yup, I do. I like to think it’s part of my go-get-it attitude. But, it could be out of balance. What I chose to do is to look at the projects I had on the go now, and sit back and really look at what I had time for then create a plan to follow through.
I grew in that conversation and I was grateful for it.
Do you need to make adjustments?
Sometimes what they’ve said is their own limiting belief and you have to change nothing. You know you’ve got it covered. Other times you have to be humble enough to admit that you need to adjust your schedule, your expectations, your goals.
You don’t have to change the goal, maybe all it takes is to move the date.
Does this person have an accurate view of what’s going on?
Do they know the whole story? Usually, they don’t have a clear picture of everything because they aren’t living your life. I was told a whole pile of not-so-nice things, but I had to look at it and say “they don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes,” and I moved on.
Do they have a vested interest in your success?
Take the strength and experience from the people you would trade lives with. The ones that inspire you. The ones that challenge you to be more. The journeys you respect and admire.
Have they been where you want to go?
Would you go to a restaurant someone recommended to you but they had never actually been there? Think back… those are the recommendations we mostly ignore.
I watch a lot of videos and listen to a lot of podcasts of people who have attained my goal. As soon as they open up the door a just a crack I’m in there to see what tools they use, their habits, their lessons, their wins, I eat all of that up. I want to duplicate success. I’ll carve my own way, but I want wisdom from the pros that have seen the wizard behind the curtain and not the ones who still believe in the wizard… you know?
Let it go
This is by far the most important tool to practice to perfection and I still don’t have it right after all of these years. But I’m a lot better at it than I used to be.
People are going to hurt your feelings, whether it’s intentional or not. They’re going to say or do something that causes an injury and you’ll want to replay it over and over like some sick song on repeat.
It takes a lot to erase the hurt. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
Have a listen to this – and again, I don’t care if you’re religious or not, if you listen to this message over and over you can drop it, leave it, let it go.